I have often been asked questions such as:

‘How can I be of service to others, when they are in need, without getting drained?’

Or

‘A friend is constantly offloading on me. What should I do?’

Although I have replied to those who have asked these kind of questions in comments,  I decided to write a mini-post about this difficult subject. 

It is an inbred trait for Empaths to want to help others, if only in an indirect way. It can be incredibly soul-destroying to see another suffering and not be able to help them.

Especially in cases when the other is either too ashamed to ask for help, for fear of appearing weak, or if they have gone through life being the ‘strong one’ and when their life starts falling apart they are afraid of being judged for having failed. 

But then, there are those who talk about their troubles, non-stop, without doing anything to fix them, yet expect you to listen.

Everyone needs help and direction at some point, no matter how evolved they are. But it is still up to each person to seek out the answers they need and be willing to make changes.  

We all tend to see suffering as bad, and yes, at the time it can be.

Yet it is through suffering that humans can really learn and evolve.

Suffering can also be an important rite of passage into spiritual consciousness for some.

However, there are some who seem to constantly sit within a negative mindset and have a problem for every solution.

So, how can we best be there for them without getting drained?

A simple answer to that is to listen with boundaries.

We all know that by listening, it is healing to the one being heard.

People don’t really listen anymore. Most are too busy thinking about their own story to hear what others are trying to say, or are just waiting for their turn to talk.

But to Empaths, listening comes as naturally as breathing. 

However, to prevent getting emotionally drained, it is wise to have boundaries, by knowing your time limits with certain people and stick with them.

When I say time limits, I mean know for how long you can safely listen.

With each person, time limits will be different.

For some people, five minutes is enough time, with others an hour or so is ok.

But, for extra protection, always use grounding and protecting techniques before and after. See here and here.

And don’t feel guilty for cutting time short. Simply excuse yourself when the time is right.

However, if they continually refuse to help themselves, and just want to use you to offload, it may be best to cut them off.

In these cases, you are not helping them by listening, you are just allowing them to wallow in their pain.

This may sound cruel. But sometimes ‘to be cruel is to be kind.’

Often, when you stop ‘helping another’ they start to help themselves.

We also have to put our health and happiness first.

As Empaths, we can take on the pained emotions and negativity of others, which can cause stress related illness if we are not careful.

Hopefully, this short post will have shed light on this difficult subject.

If you have any questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

Or if you want to learn more about becoming an Empowered Empath, this post is worth a read.

Until next time.

Diane

©Diane Kathrine