As we get older, I think most of us become less concerned about what other people think of us. We understand ourselves better, we become more comfortable with who we are, and we hopefully stop feeling the need to explain ourselves quite so much.
That said, I still find it fascinating to discover why certain Empath traits and behaviours can seem strange to other people.
After all, when you experience something yourself, it becomes normal to you. You don’t necessarily stop to consider that the person sitting next to you might experience the exact same situation in a completely different way.
For example, an Empath might notice the slightest shift in someone’s mood and wonder how on earth nobody else in the room has picked up on it. Yet, at the same time, everyone else might be wondering why the Empath has suddenly gone quiet and withdrawn.
Neither necessarily understands what the other is experiencing.
And perhaps that’s where some of the misunderstandings come from.
People are often intrigued by Empaths, but because they don’t always understand the way we experience the world, certain behaviours might be seen as strange, contradictory or even a little weird.
So, today, I thought we’d take a look at nine of those weird and wonderful Empath ways and perhaps explain what’s really going on behind them.
You might recognise a few of these in yourself.
1. An Empath can have a strange stillness about them
Have you ever been in a room full of people and found yourself simply sitting back and observing?
An Empath can sometimes have a peaceful yet slightly mysterious presence. We can go very quiet around certain people or in particular environments because we’re taking everything in.
We’re noticing facial expressions, changes in tone of voice and the general atmosphere of the room. We might sense that someone isn’t quite themselves despite the big smile on their face, or get the feeling that something being said isn’t entirely genuine.
And when you’re taking in that much information, you don’t always feel the need to fill the silence with words.
To someone who doesn’t operate in the same way, that quietness can perhaps seem a little unnerving. They might wonder what you’re thinking or why you’re watching rather than joining in.
2. Empaths can have incredibly diverse hobbies and careers
But quite often, you’re simply observing.
This is something I’ve noticed about many Empaths over the years. We can be full of contradictions when it comes to our interests.
It wouldn’t be particularly unusual to find an Empath juggling several hobbies, careers or areas of study at the same time.
One week, they might be fascinated by horses, the next they’re researching Egyptian pyramids, and a month later they’ve disappeared down a rabbit hole learning about energy healing.
And they can become completely absorbed in each one.
To somebody who has had the same hobby for twenty years, this might seem a little odd. They might wonder why you can’t simply pick something and stick with it.
But perhaps it’s simply curiosity.
Some people love learning, exploring and discovering new things, and when something captures their interest, they want to know everything about it.
3. An Empath may appear calm and cool while inside they’re on fire
Then something else catches their attention.
And off they go again.
This one can really confuse people.
On the outside, an Empath may appear completely calm, cool and collected. Yet inside, there can be a whole world of emotions going on.
You might be processing the atmosphere around you, your own feelings, somebody else’s mood and three different things that happened earlier in the day, all while appearing perfectly composed.
4. Empaths can suffer by observing suffering
And unless you actually explain what’s happening inside, nobody else would necessarily know.
I think this is partly why people sometimes underestimate just how overwhelmed a sensitive person can become.
From the outside, everything looks fine.
On the inside, it’s a very different story.
Empaths tend to have a soft spot for those who are struggling.
We notice the person who’s been left out. We worry about the underdog. We can feel deeply affected by somebody else’s pain, even when there’s absolutely nothing we can do to change their situation.
And this doesn’t only apply to people we know.
5. Empaths can appear distant or aloof
A story on the news, an animal being mistreated or even a fictional character in a film can sometimes affect a sensitive person far more deeply than others might expect.
For someone who doesn’t experience this level of emotional response, it can be difficult to understand.
They might say, “But you don’t even know them.”
And logically, we know that.
But it doesn’t necessarily stop us from feeling it.
This is an interesting one because an Empath can care very deeply about people while occasionally appearing completely detached from them.
Many sensitive people have incredibly busy inner worlds. We’re thinkers. We analyse things, imagine things, replay conversations and disappear into our own thoughts.
6. Empaths can both love and dislike being around people
That inner world can be fascinating, but it can also mean we’re not always completely present in what’s happening around us.
Someone might be talking to us and suddenly realise we’ve drifted off somewhere else entirely.
It isn’t necessarily because we’re bored or uninterested.
Sometimes we’ve simply disappeared into our own head for a while.
7. Empaths crave deep connections yet sometimes appear to push people away
This is another one of those contradictions that can leave other people scratching their heads.
An Empath can enjoy being sociable, love spending time with friends and genuinely enjoy the company of other people. Then, seemingly overnight, they want to disappear and see absolutely nobody.
I’ve certainly learned that enjoying someone’s company doesn’t mean I don’t need time to recover afterwards.
Being around people can be stimulating. You’re talking, listening, noticing, responding and taking in everything that’s happening around you.
Eventually, you might simply reach your limit.
8. Empaths notice things other people don’t
So, when an Empath disappears for a while, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’ve suddenly stopped liking everyone.
They might just need some quiet.
Empaths can crave meaningful connections but, strangely enough, they don’t always find those connections easy to make.
They may appear guarded or even push people away at first, which can sometimes give the impression that they’re cold or uninterested.
But quite often, they’re simply finding their feet.
An Empath doesn’t necessarily want to run before they can walk. They may need time to trust someone and feel comfortable enough to let them into their world.
And perhaps this is another area where misunderstandings arise.
9. Empaths often feel they can see beyond the mask
One person might interpret that caution as rejection, while the Empath simply needs a little more time.
But once they do feel safe and comfortable with someone, they can be incredibly loyal.
This is probably one of the traits that causes the most confusion.
An Empath can be incredibly observant.
They might notice that a picture on the wall has moved slightly, that you’ve changed your hair, lost a little weight or that your voice sounds subtly different today.
They also tend to notice what’s not being said.
A slight hesitation. A change of expression. A different tone of voice.
Individually, these things might mean absolutely nothing. But when you’re someone who naturally takes in lots of small details, you can sometimes get a very strong feeling that something has changed before anybody has actually said a word.
And because this happens so naturally, the Empath might not even realise that other people haven’t noticed the same things.
This probably follows naturally from the last point.
When you’re constantly noticing people’s expressions, tone of voice, body language and the things they don’t say, you can sometimes develop a very strong feeling about someone.
Perhaps everyone else thinks they’re wonderful, but something about them doesn’t sit right with you.
Or somebody insists they’re perfectly happy, yet you sense that something is troubling them.
That doesn’t mean every impression an Empath has will automatically be correct. We’re human, after all, and any of us can misread somebody.
But when you’re naturally observant and sensitive to subtle changes in behaviour, you may notice inconsistencies that others overlook.
And occasionally, it can be months or even years before you understand exactly what it was that you were picking up on.
Perhaps being understood isn’t really the point
I think one of the lessons that comes with getting older is realising that not everybody is going to understand you.
And actually, that’s OK.
Someone who doesn’t experience the world in the same way you do might never understand why you need time alone after socialising, why somebody else’s suffering affects you so deeply, why you suddenly go quiet in certain environments or why you notice things that seem completely insignificant to everyone else.
Just as there will probably be things about them that you don’t completely understand either.
We don’t all experience life in exactly the same way.
But I do think there’s value in understanding where those differences come from.
Not because we need to justify ourselves or convince everybody else that our way is the right way, but because understanding ourselves makes it much easier to stop questioning why we are the way we are.
Some of the traits I once thought made me overly sensitive, strange or simply different are things I’ve gradually learned to understand and work with.
And perhaps that’s the important part.
You don’t need everybody else to understand you.
But it certainly helps when you understand yourself.
So, if you’ve recognised yourself in some of these weird and wonderful Empath ways, know that you’re certainly not the only one.
And perhaps some of those little peculiarities aren’t quite so peculiar after all.
I hope this helps you on your Empath journey.
Until next time,
Diane
By Diane Kathrine
