We all have those times in life when we think, ‘If only I’d known that when I was younger.’

So, today, I want to talk about 6 things I wish I’d known as a 30-year-old Empath.

Like I’m sure many of you did, before I knew I was an Empath, I genuinely thought there was something wrong with me. I could walk into a room feeling perfectly happy and leave feeling completely exhausted.

I’d spend time with certain people and come away from them feeling anxious or stressed.

The trouble was, I didn’t understand any of this at the time, so I assumed the problem must be me. I questioned whether I was insecure or just too sensitive.

Looking back now, there are five things I really wish I’d understood much sooner.

1. Those emotions you’re feeling aren’t always yours

This was probably one of the biggest revelations for me because, for years, whenever I suddenly felt stressed or uncomfortable, my first instinct was to look inward and try to work out what was wrong with me.

It took me a long time to notice that I could be perfectly content, then spend time with someone who was angry or anxious, only to find myself feeling completely different afterwards.

I wish I’d known to stop and ask myself a simple question: “Did I feel like this before I walked into this room, or before I was around this person?”

It could have saved me a lot of energy trying to work out why I was suddenly feeling the way I was.

2. Spending too much time around negativity will leave you completely drained

I also wish I’d understood just how much my environment could affect me. I could spend time with someone who complained constantly, criticised everything or always seemed angry with the world, and by the time I left I’d feel either angry or exhausted. At times, I’d even feel physically unwell.

What I hadn’t considered was how exhausting it was to spend that amount of time responding to another person’s emotional state. I’ve learned that I don’t necessarily have to stop caring about someone just because they’re going through a difficult period, but I do need to be aware of what prolonged exposure to negativity does to me.

There’s a difference between supporting someone who’s having a hard time and continually putting yourself in an environment that leaves you depleted.

I now know that time limits matter.

Of course, there are situations where I can’t avoid being around negativity, and that’s when scheduling some downtime afterwards becomes essential. I need that time to reset, and I’ve learned that there shouldn’t be any guilt attached to needing it.

3. Empath fatigue is real

Another thing I wish I’d understood when I was younger was emotional exhaustion.

I really did think I was being lazy or antisocial because I couldn’t face another conversation, another problem or another emotionally difficult situation.

I’d reach the point where I just wanted everyone to leave me alone, and then I’d feel guilty for wanting that.

What I didn’t recognise back then was that I was overloaded. As you may have experienced for yourself, when you’ve spent too much time listening to other people, eventually you can reach a point where there’s nothing left in the tank.

This is where terms such as Empath fatigue and compassion fatigue come in to describe the emotional exhaustion that can come from being around other people’s stress.

I’ve since learned that I need to notice the warning signs before I reach that stage. Now, if I’m becoming unusually irritable or feeling as though a simple conversation is just too much, that’s usually a sign that I need to stop pushing myself and go and recharge.

4. Time alone needs to be scheduled

This was a big one for me because I used to feel guilty for not being there when others wanted or expected me to be.

I now know and understand how important time alone is to me. And I will schedule it in.

For example, if I’m seeing friends on a Friday evening, I will plan nothing for the Saturday so that I have time to recharge.

Having time for me isn’t being selfish. It’s essential to my health and wellbeing.

5. Staying grounded and getting outside regularly is non-negotiable

If there’s one habit I wish I’d established much earlier, it’s getting outdoors regularly and reconnecting with the natural world.

Walking, feeling the air, seeing the green of the trees or simply listening to the birds can make an enormous difference when I’ve spent too much time surrounded by screens, people or emotionally intense situations. But it’s also great just for general wellbeing and for staying in a happy, healthy place, both emotionally and physically.

There’s something about being outdoors, in nature, that brings my attention back to what’s important. I stop analysing conversations or thinking about what somebody said, and it just brings me back into the present.

It doesn’t have to involve disappearing into the woods for hours on end. Sometimes twenty minutes is enough. I might just go for a short walk and actually pay attention to what’s happening around me. But even sitting in my back garden with my feet planted on the grass can reap huge benefits.

For me, it’s one of the best forms of grounding. And I now know that if I had spent more time in nature during my teens and twenties, I would have been able to navigate life as a Sensitive so much more easily.

6. Other people may never get you, and that’s OK.

I realise that when we’re younger, most of us just want to fit in and feel accepted. I know I certainly wanted to be accepted for who I was, but at the same time, I never really felt as though I could completely be myself around other people. I also couldn’t understand why certain people seemed to take a dislike to me or would suddenly be off with me when, as far as I knew, I hadn’t done anything wrong.

It was only later in life, as I began to understand my Empath ways better, that some of this started to make more sense. I realised that my quietness and tendency to observe people could sometimes make others uncomfortable. It was almost as though they sensed that I was noticing more than I let on. And I unintentionally held up a mirror to things in themselves that they weren’t necessarily comfortable with.

If I could go back, I’d tell my younger self that it’s OK if not everyone understands you. It’s OK not to be the same as everyone else, and you don’t have to change yourself just to make other people feel more comfortable around you.

I’d also tell her not to take every rejection as proof that there was something wrong with her. You are a good person, and ultimately, that’s what matters. When you’re sensitive, rejection can hurt deeply, but one day you’ll understand yourself so much better. You’ll understand why you feel things as strongly as you do, why certain people affect you more than others, and why you’ve never quite felt like you fitted neatly into the crowd.

And eventually, you’ll realise that you don’t need everybody to get you. You just need to be comfortable being you.

And although this isn’t an official part of the list, I would also tell my younger self that ‘you will get through this, just like you got through everything else.’

What about you? Do you have thoughts on what you’d say to your younger self?

Ok, that’s my musings for today.

Until next time,

Diane

By Diane Kathrine