Did you just read that title correctly? Can there ever really be any benefits gained from being a victim?
And the answer is yes.
If we allow bad experiences to shape us in the right way, then yes, there are many benefits to be had from being a victim.
EVERYONE HAS BEEN A VICTIM
Everyone has had an occasion when they were treated badly in life. No one escapes. Even those who are known abusers, might have started off life as the abused. And yes, some seem to have suffered far worse than others.
Some might be a victim of their own success, where the wealth and power that comes with their achievements ultimately destroys them, and then some can be a victim of their own beliefs…
Someone can become a victim when they put too much faith in another (like a guru or leader), and allow them to shape or control their life.
But we can grow from these experiences.
PAST EXPERIENCES
In my last post, I discussed how childhood experiences shaped my beliefs; how they made me attract certain life experiences and people. Everything happens for a reason. We just don’t tend to see it at the time. And this can also be the case when we have been victimised.
Being Empaths, and therefore sensitive, often means we were victims of heightened emotional senses and overwhelm. Most of us have been victims of others’ ignorance, but we have also been victims of our own expectations.
THE BENEFITS
The benefits of being a victim are numerous. It most certainly teaches us a valuable lesson on how it feels to be mistreated, or we might even get a taste of ‘our own medicine.’
It is easy to look at others and point the finger. Noting all their shortcomings. But we don’t always see the error of our own ways. We might get so caught up in our own world that we don’t acknowledge the impact of our actions on others.
Now, when I say being a victim, I am referring to being a victim of other people’s bad behaviour or having bad life experiences. Those times when we were treated unfairly or betrayed. I am not talking about being an occupational victim.
OCCUPATIONAL VICTIMS
Everyone has come across occupational victims. Those who seem to enjoy playing the role of the ‘injured party.’ Occupational victims seem to relish in telling stories of how they have been mistreated. It’s as though they focus on finding reasons to be unhappy. They like having people feel sorry for them and don’t stop complaining about their lot in life.
I often think that being an occupational victim is akin to creating some kind of self-actualizing soap opera, where one makes unhappiness a point of entertainment or life purpose. But, as I often say, we are each here on our own journeys of evolvement. And if someone finds purpose in remaining in victimhood, then that is their call.
THE END OF VICTIMHOOD
Because being a victim allows us to experience what it feels like to be hurt, it can help us become more empathetic, more resilient and more empowered… That is if we allow ourselves to learn and grow from the experience.
Sometimes being a victim is exactly what we need for growth.
Difficult life experiences shape us. They take us on this strange path of evolvement. The real benefits kick-in, however, when we decide we no longer need to have those experiences in order to grow.
With this new age, it would seem that the times of feeling/being victimised is coming to an end for many (those of us who are ready to move on).
We are in times of great evolvement. A time to move away from the abusers and those who took advantage. That also includes those in authority and those who have abused their positions of influence.
People are finally waking up to the realization of their own power. We are now at the ‘helms of our own ships.’ We may have given our power away, but we are now discovering how to take it back.
What I both love and hate about this life in equal measure is that we never stop having experiences for growth. We may think we’ve got the whole thing nailed down, got our body and mind balanced and our outlook in line, then poof, something comes along that either throws everything into chaos, changes our beliefs or takes us on to a new path of evolvement.
Just like the times we are currently in.
Like everyone else, I am constantly opening new doors, making discoveries about myself and the world, facing different challenges and looking for answers.
My Experience
In the past years, I have been working more closely with my crystals during morning meditations. Any of you who work with them will know that not only are certain stones incredible for protection and grounding, they also have a unique way of activating the higher mind and revealing things that have been previously veiled.
As Empaths, we may have strong intuition and good instincts with others, but when it comes to ourselves, we often have barriers up. We have to work harder to find our truths. Especially if in our past we experienced trauma, heightened sensitivities or childhood difficulties.
Anyway, last month I had been pondering my past and why I had experienced difficulties or let-downs with certain people. I asked the question during my meditation one morning and I received my answers in a somewhat indirect way.
Later that same evening, when out with some friends, one of them had had a few too many drinks and a subject from the past came up which had been upsetting for me at the time. Basically, a close friend had let me down in a big way. I had forgotten about the incident, but when it was bought up, I realized there were buried emotions still linked to it. Now, although I understand the reasoning for my friend’s actions, and I know it upset him at the time, I had not released the imprint of disappointment.
The next day I got to thinking about why this had been suddenly brought up and a rush of information flooded my mind. Like a eureka moment. I remembered the question I had asked the previous day. I was receiving my answer as an experience of memories.
Past Shaping the Future
Since being a child, I had always felt set apart from others, especially my family. We were a family of six. Three older sisters, a father with anger issues and a sometimes-distant mother. As a child, I didn’t really feel a strong connection to my family and apart from my mum, I never felt particularly ‘safe’ with them. They were wrapped up in their world and it seemed as though I was on the outside. Because of this, I often felt let down by their actions, and had the idea that they were never really there for me.
This idea had become an embedded belief which was carried with me, and through my vibration and the law of attraction it shaped my life. I inadvertently chose my friends on this rooted childhood belief. This meant having friends who would offer me the life experiences of feeling let down or of them not being there for me.
The let downs I am referring to may seem insignificant to some, but in my twenties and thirties they were a big deal. In hindsight, it was almost as though I was looking for reasons to feel unsafe and confirm my belief that others would not be there for me.
Because I have always known what it felt like to be let down, I would go out of my way not to do it to others.
In the past, I assumed everyone had the same inner-feelings and Sensitivities as me. It was only when I discovered more about myself, and the world around me, that I came to understand this wasn’t the case. My friends didn’t have the same sensitivities, empathy or life experience, so they couldn’t draw on them in their actions and behaviours.
My friends are all different. We don’t share the same beliefs or have matching opinions and we haven’t had the same struggles; but on our own paths we have evolved together. They are good people who, in their own ways, are also trying to fathom this ‘life’ out.
Over the years, I’ve seen my friends have their own share of difficulties and let-downs, which I know has also shaped them. Life really isn’t easy for anyone. Even if from the outside it seems someone has a gilded existence, behind closed doors it quite often isn’t the case.
Life’s Expectations
It is often our own beliefs and expectations that cause us the hurt and pain. And when we can see this for ourself we know we have gained a valuable lesson.
Everything really is linked. We have attracted people into our life based on the vibration of our beliefs, even when we don’t realise that we hold certain ingrained ideas.
And yes, that also means your Empath traits and Sensitivities have been impacted by your past.
Whatever your beliefs on the current world situation, it would seem we are in a time of mass awakening and change as we enter a new age.
Since 2016 we have seen this as a quickening, where a dark theme has been creating a divide between people, keeping tensions high. Hysteria has been at the forefront.
For the Empaths, and anyone who is super-sensitive to heightened states of emotion, these past years have been difficult to experience. There has been a lot of nefarious energy around, triggering anger, resentments and conflicting opinions.
As you are already aware, when we ‘awaken,’ it is often preceded by times of great difficulty, fear or emotional pain. It is when we face this darkness that we work to seek out the light. The darkest hour is before the dawn.
The Darkest Hour
It would be easy to believe that the world has gone to crap and there is nothing but darkness surrounding us. But when we take ourselves away from the ‘fear energy’ (by avoiding all sources of the media and going within) there is some really powerfully positive energy around. This energy has been concealed by the all-pervading fear.
It is now becoming clear that we are being kept distracted from this powerful energy for a reason. We are in unique times where we can take our power back and create the life we want. A life where we no longer depend on ‘the system.’
The Projecting Empath
Empaths are powerful projectors. We can project our energy signature out onto others.
I realise this trait is not only owned by Empaths, all humans are capable of projecting their moods and energetic vibration. However, it is something that Empaths are particularly ‘good’ at. We are not always aware of just how good we are at projection or how important it is to keep our frequency raised.
What Difference Does it Make?
Have you heard of Morphic Resonance? A concept discovered by Rupert Sheldrake, also known as ‘The 100th Monkey Theory.’ In brief, when a hundred monkeys learnt how to wash potatoes on one island, the monkeys on neighbouring islands and beyond also started doing it without themselves having observed the practice. For a more in-depth explanation See more here
The 100th Monkey Theory tells us how the behaviour of an entire group of individuals can change when critical mass is reached. This could work either way. If the majority of people are kept in fear, it can impact everyone and make the world a very dark place indeed. However, when enough people raise their vibration it has the opposite affect and takes us into a place of light.
Empaths can help usher in this higher vibration.
If enough of us tap into the positive energy surrounding us, we can project this energy out.
It is up to us to make it happen. We are the ones who hold the keys to the door that will allow this powerful energy in. One of the best ways to do this is through meditation.
Meditation is so important right now. It is one of the best ways to reset our mind, and clear toxic emotions that can trap us in a dark space.
Through stilling our mind and clearing out fearful thought clutter, we are able to not only tap into the truth of our situation, but we can also tune into the powerful energy that has been shrouded by the manufactured fear pandemic.
Meditation also helps with balancing the hormones and strengthening our immunity.
I have been writing in my posts and books for years about the importance of changing diet and lifestyle for those of us who are energy sensitive. Our hormones have been hijacked. Diet, plastics, EMF, and more has thrown our hormones into chaos. This has a knock-on effect not only on our immune system (auto-immune disease has sky-rocketed in recent years), but on our moods and emotions and thus our energetic vibration.
By raising our vibration, it helps raise the vibration of others.
It is after meditating, that our frequency is most elevated, and thus the best time for projection.
I find the best time for meditating is in the morning, as the sun arises and the world around is quiet. Sunset is also a great time.
If ever you wondered what the point of being an Empath was, perhaps this is it. To tune in, take on and project this high vibrating energy. It is no coincidence that so many Empaths have awakened in recent years. We now get to use our ‘gift’ in an incredible way.
If enough Empaths, lightworkers and awakened souls keep our vibration high, we can help raise the frequency of the world. We have a challenge, but isn’t that what life has been so far?
Find Your True Power by Staying Out of Fear
Staying out of fear energy is really important now, and the easiest way to do that is by avoiding the media. We have to actively participate and invest our time in making positive change happen, but I truly believe it will be so worth the investment.
Spending time in Nature around trees or natural running water is another great way of elevating one’s energy signature. However, opening a window and listening to the birds singing in the morning is also super beneficial.
Here are some posts:here, here and here that can help with meditation practice.
Being an Empath means having emotional reactions is part of everyday life. Whether that be having a reaction to someone else’s emotional energy, having a reaction to what someone said or did, or just being triggered by what is going on in the world at large. But when emotional reactions become excessive and controlling, to the point of ruling our happiness, thoughts and decisions, we need to take back control.
What is an Emotional Reaction?
Emotional reactions can be both good and bad. Feeling incredible joy and happiness are of course emotional reactions. But the type I am referring to, that seem to be on the increase, are the all-consuming darker emotions such as: anger, rage, hurt, etc. All of which can lead to an anxious state or depression.
Having emotional reactions is part of human nature. They are a huge feature on the journey of life. However, having near constant negative emotions, triggered by our own reactions, not only makes us unhappy, it can hold us back from reaching our true potential. We can become so wrapped up in all that we feel that life passes us by. We miss out on so much joy and we become a slave to our thoughts and emotions.
Something I have noticed in recent years is that as humans we are not handling life well. And I am not just talking about Empaths and HSPs. As a species, we seem to be in more emotional pain than ever before. We are offended and upset over things that might not have touched us at one time. People are struggling with mental health issues such as depression, panic attacks and anxiety to such a degree that it is ruining lives.
The Epidemic
A couple of weeks ago, whilst out and about, we bumped into a friend of my husband who has worked in the fire service for over twenty years and is coming up for retirement. He was telling us about how many ex-servicemen, whether that be the forces, police or fire brigade, are struggling with mental health issues and PTSD, especially after retirement. He also noted how twenty years ago this was not the way. Stress related illness was hardly heard of within the services. Now it is rife. I asked whether this was because people didn’t talk about their issues all those years ago. He disagreed. Apparently, after leaving the service most just got on with life and enjoyed retirement. Now they are dreading the time when they come to step down.
‘Over-feeling’ certainly seems to be a modern-day curse. That is not to say mental health issues are a recent thing, but it is obvious people aren’t coping well with life. Is this because times have got harder? I’m not so sure.
We don’t have to go too far into our history books to see how difficult our ancestors had it. Even looking at the history in my local area there were extremely difficult living conditions such as: dangerous working environments in coal mines and cotton mills for both adults and children, a scarcity of food, poor sanitation, extreme poverty, etc. Many women died in childbirth. Workers would die young because of work-related illness. Young men lost their lives in wars and witnessed atrocities that scarred them for life. Sufferings existed back then that most in the modern Western world will never know.
When we study our past, it makes modern day problems pale in comparison. With all the technological advancements and wealth we have today you would think we were living in a golden era compared to one-hundred years ago, but it has not bought happiness and balance with it.
What is Happening?
Trauma, in one shape or another, is something humans have faced for an eternity. Why is it now we are not handling it? Clearly, something has shifted.
There are obviously a number of explanations for the current unsettled mood epidemic. Hormonal imbalances caused by diet, plastics and environmental factors play a part, as do having too many choices, social media toxicity, not being in touch with our truth, not knowing what we are here for, feeling alone and losing faith. Also Earth changes.
I have discussed Earth changes over the years, moving from one epoch to another and how these changes impact humans (read here, here and here). I do believe that the ascension process is also a major reason behind what we are seeing today. Almost like a mass hysteria triggered by ‘the shift,’ as we adjust to the rules of a new reality. There are many others out there who write about Earth changes and the ascension process. I prefer to focus on offering the tools that help make transitions easier.
But whatever is causing this dark emotion epidemic, I think you would agree that people have suffered enough. It’s time to take back control.
We have to take part in making positive changes happen, by getting back in control of how we each experience life. The problem is, people are too busy trying to change others and their way of thinking, instead of working to change and accept themselves.
Change the Inside to Change the Outside
When we work on our inner-world our outer-world reflects this. It has a knock-on effect. Not only do we become better people, able to cope with life’s ups and downs, but those around us are also impacted in a positive way.
We have the power within to master ourselves and work to train ourselves out of excessive emotional reactions. Much of the information I put out on this blog are ways to do just that.
A couple of posts ago, I discussed some ways to prevent or handle anxiety and panic attacks (21 in fact) through numerous holistic techniques and lifestyle changes. All of which will also help with overcoming excessive emotional reactions and other Empath afflictions. (Read more here)
Distraction
Distracting the mind from engaging in destructive thoughts helps stop it from going into overdrive. Now, when I say distraction, I do not mean suppression.
Distraction is taking away our mind from unnecessary repetitive thoughts. When we distract our mind and body from feeding emotions it helps prevent unnecessary emotional reactions. Suppression is burying something that needs to be addressed.
When we bury what needs to be faced or don’t deal with things we should, the stress lingers within the body and comes up as something else, often physical symptoms or anxiety.
We supress when we do not know how to handle the memory caused by a trauma or betrayal. We stuff the pain away and put it under lock and key. Hoping it will stay buried. But the body does not want the trauma stored within its cells and it will try to release it, often through emotional reactions.
This is where talking helps.
Talking
People often heal when they feel heard. Discussing your emotional pain with someone you trust can make a big impact on lightening the load. However, talking is not for everyone.
We might not want to talk about our trauma and pain because of the emotional memories that get stirred up. For some, talking about their past traumas can ignite anxiety or panic attacks.
If you are not ready to talk about what pains you, writing it down helps. Write down all your troubles and woes. Write what you want to say to another, tell them how they hurt you. Write down who you think you are or who you want to be. Write down what you feel needs to be released. Then burn the paper after. These words are not to be read again. It is a way of releasing them from within. Not something to fester on. Burning the words somehow helps to clear the emotions attached.
Taking back control of emotions is no easy feat. As Empaths we have to work daily on this, even when we feel ok. By taking preventative steps every day, it means we can stay in control of how we feel when the going gets tough.
For more ways to stay in control of emotional reactions see here and here.
One thing all Empaths will have endured at some point on their journey is a person who behaves in a narcissistic way. For some, however, it is part of their everyday life.
When I use the term narcissist target, in the headline, I am referring to anyone who has been on the receiving end of a narcissist’s attention. This can be via their initial charm through to their lies and manipulation.
But the question has to be, why do Empaths so often end up in the firing line?
One explanation is because of the ‘light’ an Empath carries inside. It’s a light that might be considered, by certain individuals, as a weakness or something that can be controlled. Yet that isn’t the only reason. Before we come to that, we will take a quick peek at the traits of a narcissist.
Traits of a Narcissist
Some of the better-known traits are: high self-esteem, a distinct lack of empathy, excessive self-admiration and a tendency towards selfish or resentful behaviours. But there’s more…
One-sidedness, a manipulative nature, unrealistic expectations of others, an excess need for control, and a huge sympathy deficiency can also fall under the same umbrella. It is these traits that often cause problems for the Empaths.
Why Empaths Attract Narcissists
Over the years, I have discussed the subject of why narcissists attract Empaths and vice versa in other posts and books (here,here, and here). It is my belief that although at opposite ends of the spectrum, both Empaths and narcissists are sensitive people and highly reactive.
Like attracts like. Sensitive attracts sensitive. Yet, one of the biggest reasons why Empaths are so often targeted and end up in the firing line of those with a narcissistic personality is because of their keen observational skills.
The Reflecting Empath
An Empath doesn’t just listen to a person’s dialogue, they observe tone and usage of words, they notice body movements, facial expressions, and they see things that others try to mask. This causes an issue for those who do not want to be ‘seen.’ Particularly when they are hiding something.
A narcissist never wants to be wrong, never wants to be seen as the ‘bad guy’ and wants others to think highly of them. But an Empath often acts like a mirror. Even if they don’t point out the narcissist’s concealed traits verbally, they will be reflected back. (This is discussed more in the Mirror of the Empath.) An Empath reflects truth. They will see it hidden behind any façade, no matter how tightly knitted.
If the finely polished veneer of a narcissist is threatened in any way, especially with exposure, they will attack. They often concoct outlandish stories to discredit an Empath, or anyone who reveals their truth, and blame them for the actions that they carried out themselves. They target those considered a threat.
Generally, a narcissist will not face the truth of who they are, if it makes them appear wrong or in any way a bad person. They convince themselves that it is everyone else who is at fault.
Being Repelled
Even if you have a strong repulsion towards narcissists, and avoid them like the plague, you can still be on the receiving end of their wrath, or end up as a target. Narcissists like to be praised and feel special. They want respect and if they are not shown it, they tend to lash out. If you have bruised a narcissist’s ego, by not giving them the respect they think is deserved, then expect to face a backlash.
The Good News
The good news is that narcissists can work as a catalyst on an Empath’s journey. Although it will not feel like it at the time, but anything that ignites insecurities, emotional injuries, victim mentality or personal challenges, can also push an Empath towards transformation. The darkness reveals the inner light. It encourages us to work on ourselves, which in turn takes us to a higher vantage point.
It is often the case that the more challenges an Empath faces the wiser they become and the greater their understanding of life.
I am certainly not suggesting that constant suffering is the perfect formula for enlightenment, but we come to a point when we understand why we have endured such difficulties. We can then see how they shaped us into becoming better people.
Avoiding Excessive Emotional Reactions
Life really is an obstacle course. It gives rise to many uncomfortable and painful experiences. However, if we have an emotional reaction to everything a narcissist, or anyone else, says or does then we put ourselves on a fast-tracked path to self-destruction.
We have to train ourself out of excessive emotional reactions, avoid wallowing in our own misery and not be tempted into revenge. Not that revenge is ever on an Empath’s radar, but it is very easy to think, ‘I’ll show them.’ Or to have the belief that if I say or do nothing, they are getting away with it. This will just lead to more lies and more attacks. We must not forget there is a greater force than ourselves at work that creates balance… Karma.
KARMA
Having been observing the world for many years, I have seen the law of attraction and karma work over and over. People may seem to get away with treating others atrociously, then, suddenly, karma catches up.
Everything goes around. Karma keeps each of us responsible for our behaviour.
Dealing with the Problem
So, finally, the question is, what can we do about being a narcissist target? Well, one thing is for sure, we will not change the mind of a narcissist, or those who have an over-inflated ego, if it makes them to appear wrong. If they have decided it is us who is at fault, it is unlikely we will get them to admit otherwise. We can only change ourself and our reactions. Take back our power.
The best way to react is with no reaction and don’t be drawn into conflicts designed to pull you down or make you feel bad. Now, when I say react with no reaction, I am not saying lie down and let someone trample all over you. Simply walk away. Avoid feeding your fear or pain by getting upset at the lies they may spread.
When you continuously focus on something or someone your attention feeds the energy. Remember: where your focus goes your energy flows.
Life really is too short to waste your precious time on those who steal your joy and drain your energy.
When you walk away or show no interest in their lies, they move on. The more lives they touch, with manipulative ways, the sooner their truth is revealed.
By avoiding excessive emotional reactions, it also helps keep one’s vibration raised. Yes, I know, easier said than done. But by getting in control of the mind and working to stay grounded, it helps us better control our emotional reactions. (This is where mind-stilling though breathing techniques, meditation and yoga can come in handy.)
Stay in gratitude and it will keep you in a ‘higher space.’ Keep pushing forward! Stay in your light and don’t let anyone extinguish it!
If you have ever experienced a panic attack you will know only too well that they are not something you would wish on anyone. They create the kind of dread and sense of impending doom that are beyond comprehension.
Because Empaths and HSPs feel everything so intensely, it is often the case that they are more prone to experiencing anxiety and panic attacks.
Not Feeling Safe
Going through life over-feeling emotions and the emotional energy of others can create the perception of being unsafe, especially when out in public or around certain people. Feeling unsafe can put the body into fight-or-flight mode which is a response of the sympathetic nervous system. When the body is in fight-or-flight it is in a constant state of stress.
We often experience a sense of not feeling safe when we have experienced past traumas, especially bereavement or physical or emotional abuse, and not dealt with them.
Another issue many Empaths and HSPs face, which can affect our perception of safety, is feeling misunderstood. When we feel misunderstood it often creates an inability to truly connect with others. Which often leads to a sense of isolation, and is a catalyst for repetitive dark thoughts.
Research has shown that negative thought patterns can be inflammatory. They create problems within the body and mind and keep us in trauma mode.
We all have good and bad within us, light and dark. When we are suffering or in pain, as in with anxiety or panic attacks, it is often because we have inadvertently been feeding the darkness. We allow our pain to dictate our lives. That said, we don’t necessarily have to have been suffering to experience panic attacks. Sometimes external factors, certain foods or hormonal changes can be the trigger.
Being aware of triggers, as well as having knowledge of what we can do if we start to suffer with anxiety or panic attacks, can ensure we don’t needlessly suffer. The following are some simple steps to help prevent anxiety…
1. Use meditation and breathing exercises:
Breathing and meditation practices help cultivate more positive thoughts, help balance the stress hormones and instil calm. However, some people find meditation too stressful to perform when experiencing panic attacks or anxiety. The stillness can become unnerving. In these cases, moving meditations, such as yoga with the breath, or deep breathing is massively beneficial.
The Whisky Breath is a quick breathing exercise which can offer instant relief. Simply inhale for a count of four and then exhale for a count of eight. Continue for as long as you need. This exercise switches on the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps to prevent or stop panic attacks. The three-minute meditation performed daily, after doing the Whisky Breath breathing, will help keep the mind positive and anxiety at bay.
There’s more information on breathing exercises and yoga here and here.
2. Keep away from people who make you feel unsafe:
If you don’t feel safe, or have trust issues with certain friends or family members, or if you don’t feel they have your best interest at heart it can cause emotional trauma. It is wise to avoid those who create safety issues for the health of your body and mind, which in turn can prevent anxiety.
3. Check your diet:
Are you eating chemical-laden foods, or foods that are known to trigger autoimmune conditions? Anxiety can sometimes be a warning from your body, telling you to pay attention. If you suspect your diet is activating anxiety or panic attacks, keeping a food diary can help you pinpoint the triggers. Read more on this post.
4. Supplement wisely:
Even with the healthiest of diets it is difficult to know we are getting, or absorbing, a full range of nutrients. We often eat anti-nutrient foods without realising (foods that block or hinder nutrient absorption), which means the good stuff we do take in doesn’t get chance to do its job. Vitamin and mineral deficiency can be a big trigger for anxiety. A basic supplementation regime can help in regards to anxiety and panic attacks. This post gives more info.
5. Take Valerian Root:
Valerian root is a natural herb used for treating anxiety and insomnia. Similar to melatonin, valerian root puts you in relaxed sleepy state. Valerian contains a neurotransmitter called GABA, that is known to have a powerfully calming effect on the mind.
6. Do therapeutic exercise:
Yoga and walking are probably two of the most therapeutic forms of exercise. There is a type of yoga to suit everyone, but it has to be practised regularly to see results. Walking is easy and super beneficial for the body and mind. Also, high intensity exercise, which helps release human growth hormone, can be beneficial for stopping panic attacks.
7. Use crystals:
There are many different types of crystals that can help with anxiety. Rose Quartz in particular is a lovely stone to help with panic attacks. It is a love stone that really helps calm the emotions. When choosing crystals for anxiety it is best to see them in person (instead of ordering online). If gazing on a certain stone makes you feel calm inside it is generally a good choice.
8. Salt therapy:
Taking salt baths can be incredibly calming and soothing for the body and mind. Even better, if you live near an ocean taking a daily dip can work wonders for soothing anxiety. This post gives more details.
9. Check your water levels:
If you are dehydrated, even just a little, it can trigger anxiety and panic attacks. This post gives more information.
10. Reduce wireless air time:
More research is coming to light showing how WIFI is a major cause of anxiety and panic attacks, especially when spending a lot of time wirelessly downloading on the internet (Youtube, etc.). Give yourself a few days away from WIFI and see what effect it has. Switch your phone to aeroplane mode when not in use and limit your time on the internet. This post explains more.
11. Keep your bedroom as a calm zone:
Quality sleep is important for preventing anxiety and panic attacks. Don’t keep electrical gadgets, especially WIFI gadgets, in the bedroom. Keep your bedroom well aired and clean. Use black out curtains to ensure a solid night’s sleep.
12. Use essential oils:
Essential oils are perfect for instilling calm. Lavender being one of the best allrounders, but other good ones are Basil, Chamomile or Geranium. You can normally feel the calming effects of these essential oils within ten minutes of application. Simply massage a few drops, mixed with a teaspoon of oil, into the soles of your feet. Or use them in your bath, add them to your body oils or put a few drops on your pillow before sleep time. Check this post out for more essential oils and their benefits.
13. Avoid caffeine:
Caffeine is one of the worst things for triggering panic attacks and anxiety. It is found in coffee, tea, chocolate and colas. Avoidance will go a long way to keeping anxiety and panic attacks at bay.
14. Avoid stimulants:
Alcohol and recreational drugs can be another big trigger of anxiety. Many people assume alcohol is a relaxant, but it is when the effects wear off that the problems start.
15. Avoid chemicals:
If you are Sensitive, it often means you will be sensitive to chemicals in products and scents, which can trigger many unusual physical reactions and stress within the body. Keep your products as natural as possible, including laundry detergent, household cleaning products and personal hygiene products.
16. Listen to soothing sounds:
There are some incredibly soothing sounds that can help reduce anxiety and prevent panic attacks. Ocean sounds, angelic harmonies, thunderstorms, gentle chimes, etc. are incredibly calming to the body and mind. Try to avoid live music downloads (such as on Youtube) as the WIFI can trigger more anxiety. Perhaps buy a CD and listen through headphones.
17. Don’t eat late at night:
Eating late at night can be the trigger for sleep anxiety and panic attacks. Try to have your last meal at least three hours before bedtime to ensure it is digested.
18. Get out in Nature:
This is a perfect remedy for anxiety and panic disorder. Even listening to the birds singing is beneficial. Read more here on the benefits of nature for an Empath.
19. Massage and reflexology:
Massaging body treatments work wonders for helping with anxiety, especially reflexology, which works on the reflex points on your feet. Schedule in time for yourself and book in a weekly treatment to help soothe your body and mind.
20. Talk to a specialist:
If you know you have supressed past trauma such as a bereavement, emotional or physical abuse, or unresolved issues, it might help to talk to a trained therapist. Supressed trauma is often reignited in times of stress, which often triggers panic attacks.
21. Have your hormones checked:
This is a big one, especially for women. If you are going through any kind of hormonal transition, such as perimenopause or menopause, it can be a big trigger for panic attacks. Perimenopause often starts from the late thirties onwards and can create many unusual and uncomfortable physical and mental symptoms.
So, there you go. Hopefully, you will have found something on the list that will help if you suffer with anxiety or panic attacks. But even if you don’t suffer with anxiety now, it is always good to have this page bookmarked for future reference. Anxiety can be triggered at any point in life, sometimes with no known cause. Having a reminder of what steps to take to combat panic attacks can avoid a lot of unnecessary suffering.
It is said that the average person has about thirty-five thoughts a minute. Now, I can’t say whether that is true for everyone, I’m not even sure how thoughts are measured, but we certainly think more than we realise.
Consistent positive thoughts tend to bring about positivity in our world. However, it is when our thoughts become dark, menacing and repetitive that they make life more challenging. Which, sadly, for the majority, is often the case. Especially when experiencing difficulties or stress in life.
Research
Research has shown that negative thought patterns are inflammatory. Meaning, they are not only disruptive to our mental health but also to our physical. The body and mind are connected. What weakens one will weaken the other.
As most of you know, getting out of a repetitive thinking pattern is not easy to do, especially when thoughts have been triggered by stress, trauma or ‘people factors.’ But training our mind for stillness, through meditation, can be a passport to a healthier and happier life.
Get Back in Control
The problem is, in our busy lives, finding time for a meditation practice becomes a chore and can in itself cause feelings of stress. We’re often advised that the only way to see results, from meditating, is to spend fifteen to twenty minutes in deep meditation. Well, I’ve discovered that that does not have to be the case.
We can get incredible benefits from practicing meditation for just three minutes a day. Yes, just three minutes!
We can all find a spare three minutes. Whether that be when we are in the bath, when we are cooling down after exercise, whilst waiting for dinner to cook, or before we go to sleep at night. It is very doable. I find morning is the best time, as it sets me up for the day.
You may now be thinking there would be no way you could still the mind within a three-minute time frame. But it is entirely possible and I am about to reveal the simple steps that can allow for three minutes of thought-free bliss.
What You Need
You will need a loud ticking clock, or at least loud enough to hear, and a comfortable place to sit where you won’t be disturbed.
Technique
Close your eyes
Focus your mind on the clock ticking. One tick should be one second.
Now, start counting back from thirty. Allow your mind to go nowhere else except the ticking clock and your count.
When you reach one, fold over one of your fingers and go back to counting back from thirty. Continue for another five rounds. Folding over a finger after each round (your fingers are your counters).
If you find your mind attempting to wander, simply bring it back to the count and the tick of the clock.
After six rounds of counting back from thirty, your mini meditation is done.
How easy was that? Three minutes and done.
The practice becomes so enjoyable that you often find when the three minutes are up you want to stay that little bit longer within the stillness of your mind. (It is often in this stillness that we get incredible insights and intuitive downloads.) In fact, this three-minute meditation is the perfect starting point to building a longer practice. If that’s what you want.
(I will note that if your mind has been overly hectic with a rush of rampant thoughts, you may need to do the technique twice. First time to still your mind, the second round to enjoy the stillness.)
Make it Your Own
If you prefer to change the way you count, feel free. I find counting backwards for a round of thirty is a better way to stay in control of my mind. It is often when I do a longer count that my mind starts wandering. But, if you prefer, counting back from sixty or even one-hundred and eighty is fine too. Whatever works for you.
Why the Clock?
There’s something rhythmically therapeutic about listening to a ticking clock. I guess the flowing beat is hypnotic. It helps keep the mind distracted from thoughts. That’s not to say you won’t have thoughts when you first start practicing. Thoughts are powerful little blighters. They do not like to be told to shut up. But by using the count and the ticking clock, you very quickly realise when your mind is wandering, and can pull it back into line.
Watch this video to see the benefits of meditating which starts at about the 4 minute 50 mark..
Ok, that’s it for me for today. Look out for my next post which is a guide to preventing anxiety and panic attacks for an Empath.
I noted in my last quick post that I had been a couple of weeks without WIFI in December, and what a positive impact it had on me. It is quite incredible how dependent we have become on the internet for everything. So much so, it is difficult to imagine life without it. But have we really considered what effect all the electromagnetic fields (EMFs) are having on our Empath sensitivities?
In this last post, I discussed how many Empath lives are disrupted by sensory overload. Another massive factor which also contributes to this overload are electromagnetic fields (EMFs) which include WIFI.
Electromagnetic Pollution
Over the years, the use of smart phones and laptops has skyrocketed. Even the ‘untechiest’ person will have a mobile phone. It certainly doesn’t help that the majority of our phones are also connected wirelessly to the internet which gives off considerable amounts of EMFs when data is streamed.
This increase in mobile phone use has also led to the need for more cell towers around our towns and cities, which means greater levels of EMF in our environment.
Wireless gadgets are not the only problem. There are many other devices within the home that allow these invisible frequencies to build up; such as televisions, fluorescent lighting, microwave ovens, etc.
EMF and the Empath
EMFs are so powerful they can be measured.
You and me, we both create electromagnetic fields. Virtually every single process which keeps us alive can be traced back to an electric field. A giant electric field holds all our atoms together. We wouldn’t be able to function without our electric fields. Every time we move a muscle, we create an electric field. We are electrical beings.
Think about walking into a room full of angry people where the atmosphere could be ‘cut with a knife.’ It wouldn’t be long before you were affected by the EMF of the room (whether you were an Empath or not), via the merging of electrical fields. No matter how happy you were prior to entering an angry room, the electrical energy of others can influence your own energy and thus your mood.
‘Every atom has its own electric field, and when you put two atoms close together, they can mess around with the electric field of the other.’ Jack FrazerMaster’s Physics Oxford University
The above quote explains why the energy of one person can impact the energy of another. Our electric fields like to ‘mingle.’ It also shows that frequencies emitted by WIFI can ‘mess around’ with our own.
One electric field affects the way another functions. So, if you experience strange symptoms, or if your Empath traits are making life difficult, it could be caused by EMF.
Maybe it is time to pay attention to how you feel after spending a lot of time on wireless networks.
As Empaths we easily recognise the impact of the energy of people but many of us are also affected by the electromagnetic frequencies emitted within our environment without realizing.
Hazards to Health
EMF disrupt energy frequencies within our body and within our energy field, they affect our chakras and endocrine glands, immune system and nervous system. In fact, the symptoms of enduring too much EMFs are similar to those an Empath might experience from being ungrounded.
Here’s a Sampling:
Dark moods, depression or emotional overwhelm
Difficulty concentrating and trouble giving attention to anything which requires focus
Brain fog and memory loss
Anxiety, panic attacks and irritability
Fatigue and lack of motivation
Dizziness
Sleeplessness (even though exhausted)
How Do You Know If You’re Affected?
One of the best ways to find out if you are EMF sensitive is to have an electrical detox. Which I must admit can be a challenge because let’s face it, electrical gadgets are everywhere. Perhaps spend a few days away from all things electrical or just turn off the electricity in your home for a while and see how it affects you. Even just switching your phone setting to aeroplane mode, when not in use, will make a difference.
I personally found that when I was not using my phone and laptop for two weeks my brain became clearer, my thoughts more lucid and I felt more energised. Others report of feeling generally happier and healthier or having strange symptoms clear up.
The Solution
Sadly, continuous escapism of EMF and WIFI, in this modern world, is virtually impossible. Yet there is one simple thing we can do to help protect ourselves. Use crystals.
EMF Shielding
Certain crystals can act like bioelectrical shields against EMF. Not surprisingly, the crystals that work best for EMF protection are the stones we use for grounding.
Crystals to Use:
Ferromagnetic crystals (containing iron) are best for EMF protection. There are several of them, but my favourites are:
Hematite
Black Tourmaline
Shungite
If you have been impacted by electromagnetic frequencies, you will likely notice the difference as soon as you use one of the above grounding stones.
Other stones that can also be used are Pyrite and Magnetite (although I have never tried them myself, others have reported them to work).
How To Use Crystals for EMF Protection:
When using grounding crystals, such as Black Tourmaline, for EMF protection the goal is to create a shielding barrier between you and your wireless devices. The best ways to do this are:
Put them in your trouser/shirt pocket or wear them as jewellery such as necklace or bracelet.
Place them in between you and your devices. Perhaps on your work desk.
After Use
It is not always possible to keep a crystal on hand. In some cases, we need to use them after EMF exposure. They can be used with good results in the following ways:
Use your grounding crystal in meditations: Hold your crystal, or crystals, in your hands and keep your mind focused on their energy during your meditation.
Place a grounding crystal on the third eye (centre of forehead) for five to ten minutes: This helps with clearing any brain fog caused by EMF.
Use grounding crystals around your bath tub: (Not in water, as some crystals may rust). This not only helps clear EMFs; it also makes bath time a much fizzier and cleansing affair.
When using crystals for EMF protection there are two IMPORTANT THINGS to remember:
Powerfully magnetic crystals should not be used near your laptop or external hard drives because they could fry them.
Being semiconductors of energy, Clear Quartz (or other silicate crystals) should not be used near electronic devices, as they can amplify the EMFs
Extra EMF Protection
Although certain crystals work wonders for EMF shielding, we can also take further steps to protect ourselves. The simplest ways are to turn off your wireless routers at bedtime, don’t keep your mobile or other electrical devices on your body, keep your phones and laptops out of your bedroom, and switch off electrical appliances at the mains when not in use.
Also, as was mentioned in my last post, get out in Nature as much as possible. Nature heals us on so many levels and is the perfect protection from EMF. Read more here on the benefits of being in Nature for an Empath.
Remaining vigilant of what might weaken us as Empaths helps ensure we live our happiest and healthiest life. Knowledge is power. Hopefully, this post has shed some light as to how you might have been affected by EMF. We live in an ever-changing fast-paced world that seems to bring in more challenges by the day. Levels of electromagnetic pollution are bound to get worse, so taking some simple steps now to prevent overload can go a long way.
If you are interested in learning more about how crystals can help you as an Empath, I will be releasing a book on the subject in early spring.
Hope that you have all recovered from the festive period and here’s to a fantastic 2020!
Just a quick message today to wish all you lovely Empaths of the world a Happy New Year, and to apologise for not getting a post out last month as I had intended.
I was away most of December. Two weeks of which I didn’t have any internet connection. (Which I must admit was actually bliss. I can fully recommend a WIFI detox. It’s perfect for inspiring the creative mind.) So, because of that, my publishing schedule went out the window.
I’ll be back very soon with my next post. But for now, I would just like to take this opportunity to say here’s to a fantastic 2020 for all. I wish that this new decade will bring in good health and much happiness for you and your families.
To some loud energy may seem like a weird concept. But not to an Empath. An Empath will immediately know what is meant by loud energy and why we often need to find ways to shelter from it.
As Empaths, we become adept at differentiating levels of energy. We even become proficient at knowing what someone will feel like just by observing them from a distance. I often think we measure a person’s energy in a similar way that we measure sound. And just like sound can be interpreted as being loud, so can someone’s energy. (I’m sure you have experienced wanting to ‘shush’ someone even though they have not said a word.)
It is often the case that the livelier a person the louder their energy. However, someone can still have loud energy without necessarily being a loud person. There are several factors that seem to raise a person’s ‘vibrational volume’ and they are:
Being in quiet emotional pain (suffering in silence).
Grasping for attention or being super self-absorbed.
Being famous (although this energy can be quite enigmatic).
Containing anger or resentments.
Having loud energy is certainly no crime and we cannot build resentments towards someone just because of their ‘energetic decibels.’ But, just like persistent loud noises can impact our health and wellbeing, so can loud energy.
Sensory Overload
You may yourself have noticed that on some occasions you are not affected by the noisy energy of a person, but at other times it winds you up to the point of distraction. This often happens when there’s been a sensory overload. If all your senses have been on overload you won’t handle a person’s loud energy as well as you should.
We talk about being sensitive to other people’s energy, but that’s not all we can be sensitive to. Many Empaths have heightened senses. We hear sounds louder, see colours brighter and taste foods more intensely. We also suffer more with food sensitivities which also contributes to heightened senses.
It is often when all our senses are on overload that we cannot handle the loud energy of people. And is another reason why Empaths don’t do well spending a lot of time in places that are loud or filled with lots of people.
Sensory overload can trigger: fatigue, mood swings, people irritation, and more.
If we become irritated when around another person, we often blame it on their energy, but it might just be that it was ‘the straw that broke the camel’s back.’ In other words, all our other senses have become so heightened that we cannot take any more ‘input.’
The thing is when we are overloaded it causes unnecessary stress to the body and mind. We then get caught up in a vicious cycle of energy overload and our senses never get a rest.
Now, as nice as it would be to ask someone to contain their energy, this obviously isn’t an option. We need ways to filter and cleanse our senses so that we don’t get taken down by sensory overload.
I often talk about the importance of grounding for an Empath, which is not just great for ‘energy protection’ it also works as an easy way to rebalance or calm our senses.
Nature
Getting outdoors into the natural world is one of the top ways of grounding. Nature is so soothing to the body, mind and soul. Sadly, the green spaces in and around our cities are getting less and less. Houses, apartment blocks and business units are being built on every available piece of land. This has more impact on our general wellbeing than we probably realize. (Read more about Nature’s healing power here.)
My husband and I do a lot of travelling around the UK. Mostly down south on the M6. But we also go up to Scotland. When we drive towards London, we don’t pass much greenery and we often arrive at our destination lethargic and agitated. However, when driving up to Scotland the opposite is true. We often feel uplifted. If you have done any driving through the UK (or any other place where you go from city to greenery) you might have also experienced this yourself. The further North you travel, on the M6 in the UK, the greener it becomes. The landscape is beautiful and calming to gaze upon. It is soothing to the senses. And that is without even getting out of the car.
Although I know the volume of traffic plays a part in draining our energy when travelling (south-bound on the M6 is particularly busy), we have also sat in traffic heading towards Scotland and it by no means has the same effect.
So, yes, to protect from sensory overload, get out in Nature as much as possible. Keep plants and flowers in the house and garden. Even potted herbs dotted around the kitchen will help bring Nature indoors.
If you don’t get chance to get outdoors much, never fear, there are other fab ways to help soothe the senses and they are:
Meditative Breathing
Before and after going to busy places use meditative breathing exercises for a couple of minutes or longer. A good one to use is the 4/7/8 breathing technique. Inhale for 4 beats, hold for 7 beats, exhale for 8 beats. This practice is soothing to all senses and helps protect from loud energy.
Buzzing bee breath is another great technique to use. Simply close your eyes, plug in your ears with your fingers, inhale and, keeping the mouth closed, exhale whilst making the sound of a buzzing bee. (See more here.)
Crystals
Carrying or wearing grounding crystals, such as Hematite or Black Tourmaline, are perfect for protection. These stones not only help protect you from loud energy, they are also soothing to the emotions and help keep you grounded. (More on crystals coming soon.)
Aromatherapy
A great way to soothe your senses and bring all-round calm is by using aromatherapy oils. Before going to peopled places, put some lavender on a hanky and breathe it in when ‘overloaded.’ Or use essential oils in the bath after an energy overload. (Here’s a post to get you started.)
It is also a good idea to avoid overly potent chemical smells (car fumes, air fresheners, cleaning products, soaps, perfumes and deodorants, etc.), which can also overload the senses.
Music
The right type of music, or sounds, can work wonders for soothing your senses and protecting from loud energy. Take your ear phones and Ipod (do people still use these?) or other device and listen to soothing or uplifting music when in places where there is a lot of sensory stimuli.
Eye Cupping
Too much visual stimuli can be overloading. A simple way to soothe your sight sense is eye cupping. Rub your hands together to warm them up, then place your palms over your eyes. Open your eyes into the dark warmth of your palms for as longs as needed (only perform when safe to do so).
So, there you go. Hopefully you will have some new inspiration of what to try to prevent sensory overload and to protect from loud energy. (If you’re looking for more this post might help.)
In my next post I will be addressing a massive factor that is responsible for causing Empath overwhelm and sensory overload. Be sure to look out for it.
Hope you’re all keeping well in your little corners of the world.
The answer to the above question is yes. An Empath really can feel the emotions of others.
The problem is we don’t always know how it makes us react.
What I mean by this is, the emotional energy of those we come into contact with can have a huge impact; not only on how we feel but on how we behave. It can push us towards being more introverted than what is natural, it can trigger insecurities or even make us feel unwell.
How Does an Empath Know How to Interpret Emotional Energy?
Interpreting emotional energy is a tricky area. We can so easily misconstrue what we feel. I know I certainly have with different people over the years.
In my teen years I had a friend who, for the purpose of this post, I will call Sarah. I met Sarah at high school. She came from a broken home. But nothing in her outward persona gave off insecurities about her parents’ divorce. She was a bright vivacious girl. Sarah was popular, good at sport and academically minded. And although she did not seem affected by the breakdown of her parents’ marriage, the way she felt to me told another story (I just didn’t know it at the time).
I didn’t know Sarah when her parents split, so I cannot attest to how she was prior to the breakup. But, whenever I was with her, I felt insecure and unstable. At the time I assumed it was ‘just me’ and my own teenage insecurities that made me feel awful when in her presence.
I continued to hang out with Sarah, along with my other friends, after school and into my late teens. But I never enjoyed spending time alone with her. In fact, she used to comment on how quiet I was when it was just the two of us. But I couldn’t help it, I felt myself freeze up when with her.
In her late teens, Sarah ended up getting into the ‘rave/drug scene,’ which was so popular in the late eighties and early nighties here in Manchester. From there she very quickly went downhill. Her childhood trauma evidently caught up with her, which was quickly heightened by her drug use. I would get early morning phone calls off her, telling me that she was frightened and needed to talk immediately. When I turned up at her home, she would not acknowledge the phone call or admit there being a problem. If I tried to talk to her about it, she would quickly change the subject.
Because of her lifestyle choice, Sarah drifted from me and my group of friends. Within a couple of years, Sarah’s mind was no longer her own. She became mentally unstable and was in and out of mental health units.
I lost touch with Sarah many years ago. I have heard through the grapevine that she is still a troubled soul and a shadow of her former ‘happy-go-lucky’ teenage self.
At the time, I may not have understood what I felt in Sarah, but I can still remember how it impacted me. She may have hidden from her pain, but it was loud and clear for me to feel. It gave me a sense of feeling insecure and awkward.
Hidden Pain
Another example of my sensing hidden pain which I didn’t understand in another is with someone who I will refer to as Mrs Smith. I was probably in my twenties, with no real understanding of my Empath ways, when I first encountered Mrs Smith. I remember feeling particularly uncomfortable with her, but in a different way than I had felt with Sarah. The memory of which has also stayed with me for many years.
I have attended the same gym, on and off, since my twenties. It is the type of gym, like many others, where you know people’s faces but don’t know their names or their backstories, and it was here where I first encountered Mrs Smith, when we were paired up in a yoga class:
The best way I could describe Mrs Smith’s energy, on my first encounter with her, was as a self-absorbed vibe. I wasn’t sure why but I did not enjoy being in her presence. I remember back then that she was sometimes arrogant and acted like she was the only person in the room worthy of the teacher’s attention. I felt naturally repelled by her. Over the years, as I came and went from the gym, our paths rarely crossed, until I started doing classes regularly again.
On my first re-encounter, I remember being stood in the studio, waiting for the class to start, when Mrs Smith came behind me. I immediately reacted. All I can say is I felt rage inside. I wanted to get away from her because the feelings I experienced were so unbearable (which also made me feel guilt for wanting to escape her). I didn’t remember feeling ‘this bad’ with her before.
The thing is, Mrs Smith looked happy. She chatted to others in the class and made her presence known. From the outside you would never think anything untoward was going on. But every time I came close to her, if only in passing, I was engulfed with a sense of dread or rage. By this point I knew I was an Empath and I recognised that I was feeling her energy. It was so potent that it was hard for me to block it or distract myself.
I didn’t even have to see Mrs Smith to feel her energy, it would wash over me like a dark gloom, even when she was out of eyeline.
When I don’t know them personally, I sometimes find that by making eye contact with people, who trigger emotional reactions within me, it has the effect of lessening the impact. But as Mrs Smith never looked my way, often breezing by me like I was invisible(this is common when those in pain come near an Empath see this post to learn more), all I could do was quietly inch myself away.
Sadly, a couple of years ago, Mrs Smith committed suicide.
Everyone who knew Mrs Smith at the gym were shocked by how she could do such a thing. They had no idea that she was in such a dark place. But facts emerged about her life after her passing, that she had not shared with others, which explained her story. It also explained why I felt such rage in her presence. It was a very sad ending to a life of pain.
When an Image Does Not Reflect the Truth
I could go on with examples of how people have affected me emotionally, and how an ‘image’ does not always reflect the truth. A smile can hide deep pain. Arrogance can hide an incredible lack of self-worth.
Humans are good at concealing insecurities and their inner turmoil, but an Empath will always feel them.
When engulfed by negative emotions, after being around a certain person, it doesn’t mean the other is a bad person. We are often just picking up on what the person feels about themselves or about life.
Is there a Solution?
So, the question is what we should do when we feel toxic emotions in another. Should we intervene or avoid?
When people hide from themselves, or are in denial of their past, there is not a lot we can do to help them. If they are not ready or willing to confront their insecurities or ‘shadow,’ they will unlikely want others to acknowledge them either.
A Few Kind Words
Self-protection is important. Sometimes staying away from those who trigger uncomfortable feelings is the best and only option. However, there are ways we can make a difference to those in hidden emotional pain, without doing too much damage to our own emotional health, by offering a few kind words.
Words of self-encouragement or just simple friendliness can go a long way. Not only in changing the way the other feels to us, but also in how they feel about themselves (if only briefly).
We can be inclined to avoid those who make us feel bad, but sometimes briefly making contact actually helps them and us. It can have the effect of ‘breaking the emotional connection,’ and distracts us from what we feel.
Some might find it better to mentally send ‘positive vibes’ instead. It really depends on how the energy of another affects you and your mind.
Of course, this is a broad subject with many different scenarios. But it is always good to have different approaches to survive in different situations.
Please feel free to share examples of how you cope when around people who carry ‘uncomfortable energy’ in the comments below.
Have you found yourself suffering more with angry emotional reactions lately than what is usual? Have you ever wondered why?
Following on from my last post about the shadow side, today I want to discuss another way in which the shadow may be experienced: through anger.
The reason this is an important issue to address is because anger is especially damaging to the body. Anger stresses the adrenals, causes stomach problems, and weakens the heart area. in fact, just one minute of anger can suppress the immune system for five hours.
In current times it seems anger is being purposely stimulated amongst the masses, which is not good for the Empaths.
All around the world we see people getting angry or hateful over ‘local or global affairs.’ There is so much fury being projected on to issues presented online that it makes you question: are people really so angry with these issues or is it something else? Something deeper that has been suppressed that is trying to draw their attention?
An Empath will always be affected by the anger in others; but they also have their own to deal with. However, because they know the damage anger can do, when projected on to others, it is often suppressed. Which rarely leads to anything good.
You’re Never Angry About What You Think You’re Angry About!
The above statement is so true. We are rarely infuriated by what we think. We are simply projecting our pain when triggered.
When we project our pain on to external factors, instead of looking inwards to find and fix what needs fixing, we don’t uncover the real roots of our anger.
How Do We Uncover What is Really Making Us Angry?
An unhealed Empath, who has spent years stuffing down emotions, can find offence in pretty much everything. In these times, however, everything is rising to the surface. As noted many times in other posts, imbalances in hormones, due to the diet and environmental factors, plays a huge part in emotional reactions (read more here), but they mostly have to do with our past.
Going Backwards to go Forwards
In life we often have to go backwards to go forwards. What I mean by this is we have to visit the origins of the wounds from our past before we can move away from them.
If, for example, anger is triggered in the present by someone expressing their beliefs, the question has to be asked: Why are their opinions striking a chord?
Could it be related to a buried memory from childhood? Maybe a memory of being told you were wrong? Or perhaps being told you were not good enough? Perhaps regularly? Or it could be that you just want to express yourself without someone jumping in to say that your opinions are unfounded, or liken your ideas to a conspiracy theory (yes, that has happened to me before).
Anger projected into the present is likely to have originated from a past issue, often made much worse by hormone imbalances (read more here ), but it will usually be disguised as anger towards something else.
The ego is often blamed for certain ‘toxic feelings.’ And yes, the ego likes to dominate, it likes to be right and is also easily bruised. But an inflated ego is not always the precursor to anger within an Empath, it is more likely to be the wounds of the shadow.
The shadow holds the unresolved issues, emotional pain and insecurities that affect our behaviour and outlook on life. It also likes to trigger anger. That said, sometimes experiencing dark emotions is not always a bad thing.
Can Positive Situations Come from Anger?
There are times when anger and rage can propel us to make changes in life, pushing us onwards and upwards. It can also help us address that which needs addressing. However, when it is anger outbursts or silent anger, that quietly lingers in the shadows without serving any purpose except stress, then it is a problem!
Do we really want to punish our self for someone else’s opinion or mistake? Because that’s what we do when we host or suppress the emotion of anger.
People will always disagree. It doesn’t mean one is right and the other is wrong. There is just a difference of opinion. We do not need to convince anyone of anything. If someone is not ready to hear our opinion it is not our job to force it upon them. In fact, some people will never hear what we have to say, no matter how much truth is in our words, and that’s ok.
So, how do we tackle the anger or uncomfortable feelings that arise?
Firstly, do not suppress anger. But also, don’t take it out on others.
Many years ago, I read Louise Hay’s recommendation of using a pillow to release anger. Simply take a nice fluffy pillow and, when no one is around, beat it up. It does help.
Secondly, get familiar with the triggers:
To find out where your anger stems from, question yourself. Who are you really angry with? When you ask this question, a picture of someone will quickly come to mind often alongside an uncomfortable memory or feeling.
Do you really want that person or persons to continue to hurt you today? If the answer is no, it’s time to stop or release the anger reaction. Breathe through it or just pause and allow it to pass.
As I said, anger is hugely detrimental to health, as is any of the other stressed/pained emotions.
I realize that switching off emotions is a lot harder than just turning off a light switch. There are several other factors we have to consider. For example, have we become addicted to the hormones these emotions produce (read this post to uncover if you have a negativity addiction)? or are we unable to let go of the pain because it has become part of our identity? But understanding the cause helps in reducing the reactions.
The long-term goal is to stop feeding the shadow when it ignites an anger response. But recognizing that it is the shadow at work is halfway to making this realization.
Healing
When healed, we come to understand that what others say, think or do is more a reflection of them and not us. But until we get to this place, using grounding techniques, such as those I discuss here, will help reduce anger or prevent other emotional reactions, and a nice fluffy pillow (for pounding out the emotions) is always there for those darker days.
These journeys, we are each experiencing, have been designed especially for us. The beliefs we have and the problems we face are ours to overcome. The same can be said for everyone out there. By allowing others to have their own opinion, by walking away from fights that will never be resolved, or from the people who take pleasure in putting others down, it is not only liberating but also healing. And addressing the truth behind anger goes a long way towards its release.
A couple of posts ago, I discussed how an Empath is often painted as the villain. Today, I want to discuss a similar subject but from another perspective: The Empath’s shadow side.
The shadow side may sound like something devious that drives a person to do dark and dastardly deeds; but it is mostly the source of great emotional pain, especially within an Empath.
What is an Empath’s Shadow Side?
Basically, a shadow side within an Empath is the same as within anyone else: it is the unresolved issues, emotional pain and insecurities, buried deep within, that can affect our behaviour and outlook on life. The side we don’t always know how to deal with.
I also mentioned in my last post how many Empaths are continually working on themselves to become healthier, happier and all-round better people. The shadow side, however, is often the last thing we want to address.
It is in the things that hurt us or that which we hide from where we will find our shadow.
Most of us have a side that we keep hidden from the rest of the world and even from ourselves. Hiding from our shadow side could be likened to wearing a mask, to conceal something that we consider either too ugly to be seen or too painful to be confronted.
The Japanese believe that everyone has three faces: The face we show the world, the face we show our family and close friends, and the face we show no one. It is our hidden face which is our truest reflection and hides our deepest discomforts. Wearing a mask, to conceal one’s shadow side, is the way many live and is often considered the norm.
Revealing the Cause
A good way to reveal the shadow is looking at what hurts you most. Is it rejection or not being accepted? Could it be people taking advantage of your kind nature? or perhaps not being able to connect with others? Whatever it is, you will generally find the origins of this hurt in your childhood.
Sensitive people are impacted their whole life by the inconsiderate or cruel behaviour of certain individuals from their childhood: The school bully, an angry teenage sibling, an unaware teacher, etc. If something cruel and uncalled for was said or done to you as a child, a seed was planted, creating the roots of the shadow to build.
Hiding from one’s truth may seem like a contradiction on the part of an Empath. Especially considering that most Empaths tend to detest inauthenticity. Wouldn’t hiding a part of ourselves be classed as living in an inauthentic way…? Yes and no.
There is a good reason an Empath may hide the truth of themselves from certain people, and it’s not always to get them to like us.
When we awaken as an Empath, a new way of life is gradually revealed. Not only do we come to embrace and appreciate our unusual traits – traits that set us apart from others – but we start experiencing more synchronicities, we develop greater intuition and discover a new outlook. Everything we have experienced when around people, emotionally and physically, finally makes sense. We understand our need for time alone, why we feel crazy energy when in busy places, and why we experience overpowering emotions when with certain persons. We also come to understand the deeper layers of human nature.
Once awake, we see that most people only see things from their own perspective. The majority don’t have the ability to see the world in 3D, like many Empaths do, and therefore cannot get on board with our way of thinking or relate to the experiences we endure. Because of this awareness, we become vigilant of protecting our space and are hesitant of opening up… We also don’t like burdening others with our troubles.
One thing the ‘Empath Awakening’ doesn’t do is take away our woes. In some cases, we become more sensitive and feel emotions more intensely. We thus hide from our shadow side to protect ourselves from experiencing more pain.
The truth is, avoidance just prolongs the discomfort.
Humans are hardwired into avoiding pain. It is a form of self-protection. ‘Escapism of feeling’ is often done through suppressants such as food, alcohol or drugs, etc.
This never works.
Suppressants just numb or mask the pain for a while. They act like a distraction; taking our attention away from that which needs addressing.
Confrontation
Some believe that by confronting their shadow-side it will cause too much heartache; hoping that avoidance will offer the ‘easier ride’. Which is understandable.
Sadly, when we choose the ‘easy route’ in life, it rarely turns out to be the comfortable journey we wanted, especially when we are avoiding doing something we know we should do.
One of the simplest ways to face the shadow side is by admitting to our insecurities, or that which hurts us.
Admitting that we have been hurt by our past and that we are ready to let it go brings the pain out of the shadows. When facing our ‘inner-demons’, we work to take away their power.
That said, it is not always possible to remove all the buried pain of the shadow side. Some pain is hardwired and is part of us for a reason. It shapes us in many ways; allowing us to empathize at a deeper level.
When we accept that ‘emotional pain’ has a purpose on this journey and is not just some unfair burden that we were unfortunate enough to be saddled with, it can lessen the impact.
Calming the Shadow
Another aspect of working towards balance is to avoid anything which unnecessarily activates ingrained mood-memories created by the shadow.
Mood-memories are the go-to moods, initially activated by the pain body, that we hang out in when feeling low or when in a dark mental space. I find two of the biggest triggers being diet and people (and hormone fluctuations).
Diet
By eating foods that influence the hormones in a negative way, it not only lowers our vibration and slows us down, it also impacts moods. This has bearings on wellbeing and initiates dark emotions to be roused or remembered. Wheat and sugar being two of the biggies (read more here). Meat also plays its part with many Empaths (this post explains more).
Uncovering food triggers is an essential part of preventing activation of mood memory.
People
The type of people who become pain prompters for an Empath are those who hide their truth and pretend to be something they’re not. Basically, anyone who lives a big lie. Not just by lying to themselves, in hiding from their pain, but lying in their words, actions and energy. Those who hurt others with their disregard and those who hide their shadow behind their ego can act like triggers (read more here).
Just by spending too much time in the presence of anyone who carries the above traits could activate mood-memories.
Face the Pain
Facing hidden emotional pain frees us from living in its shadow.
Self-confrontation may seem like a scary option, but it is one of the best ways to release the emotional shackles of the shadow. If we have hidden insecurities, we continue to suffer, and we continue to draw to us those who play on these weaknesses (law of attraction).
The shadow side offers incredible lessons and serves us in many ways; but until we face it or at least admit to it, our actions and emotions are determined by its sway rather than by our conscious choice.
I will be discussing this subject from another perspective in my next post, so be sure to look out for it.
Words really do hold power, especially when put together in a certain way. They can change your whole outlook on life.
Whilst perusing online I came across a poem that I wanted to share with you all.
I would not say I am a big fan of poetry but there is something about this one that spoke to me. It was not only a reminder of how much art and truth rests in verse, but also what an incredible journey life is.
It was said the poem was written by Charlie Chaplin at the age of 70. I cannot verify this as true (I realise many quotes and poems credited to a certain person online are not always true). The poem has also been attributed to Kim McMillen who wrote a book called ‘When I Loved Myself Enough’.
I was captivated by its words and the message contained. To me, the poem reveals a life lived with lessons and growth.
So, have a read. See what you think…
As I began to love myself I found that anguish and emotional suffering are only warning signs that I was living against my own truth. Today, I know, this is Authenticity.
As I began to love myself I understood how much it can offend somebody if I try to force my desires on this person, even though I knew the time was not right and the person was not ready for it, and even though this person was me. Today I call this Respect.
As I began to love myself I stopped craving for a different life, and I could see that everything that surrounded me was inviting me to grow. Today I call this Maturity.
As I began to love myself I understood that at any circumstance, I am in the right place at the right time, and everything happens at the exactly right moment. So I could be calm. Today I call this Self-Confidence.
As I began to love myself I quit stealing my own time, and I stopped designing huge projects for the future. Today, I only do what brings me joy and happiness, things I love to do and that make my heart cheer, and I do them in my own way and in my own rhythm. Today I call this Simplicity.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a healthy egoism. Today I know it is Love of Oneself.
As I began to love myself I quit trying to always be right, and ever since I was wrong less of the time. Today I discovered that is Modesty.
As I began to love myself I refused to go on living in the past and worrying about the future. Now, I only live for the moment, where everything is happening. Today I live each day, day by day, and I call it Fulfillment.
As I began to love myself I recognized that my mind can disturb me and it can make me sick. But as I connected it to my heart, my mind became a valuable ally. Today I call this connection Wisdom of the Heart.
We no longer need to fear arguments, confrontations or any kind of problems with ourselves or others. Even stars collide, and out of their crashing, new worlds are born. Today I know: This is Life!
So, what do you think? Did it talk to you too? Let me know in the comments below.
Have you ever been accused of saying something you didn’t say, or blamed for something you didn’t do…?
For an Empath this is more common than you might think…
I am prone to having a roving mind. Having a good old ponder on life and its many ups and downs. During my musings, I often think about my Empath traits, traits that I have lived with for so long, and the impact they have. One thing is for sure, they certainly haven’t offered the easiest ride in life, especially when being the target for unfair attacks and blame.
I know many of you lovely Empaths out there will have experienced either being painted as the villain or being on the receiving end of a character assassination at some point on your journey, and this is what I want to address today.
I have discussed this subject in other posts over the years, but with all this crazy energy affecting the people of the world I thought it a good idea to address it again.
Any Empath who spends time around people often finds themselves under attack in weird ways and for nonsensical reasons. And it’s always good to have reminders as to why these attacks happen because, let’s face it, they don’t feel good.
It is human nature to want to be accepted by others. We are pack animals and don’t always want to be ostracized from the herd (unless we are done with people)..But being wrongly accused, or blamed for something we didn’t do, usually pushes us away from family or friends because it is difficult to deal with such betrayal.
It is common for an Empath to make the mistake of believing that those in our life think and feel the way we think and feel. Therefore, it is beyond our comprehension if someone attacks us or paints us as some ‘crooked creature’.
So why is it so many Empaths are disliked, perceived as the bad guy or are wrongly accused?
There are several reasons; one of the first being:
The Mirror Effect
Empaths can unintentionally reflect what they feel in another. Revealing their truths. Anything hidden, such as insecurities, suppressed shame, guilt or anger, builds the longer it is left buried. If someone conceals traits, such as the above, that they don’t like about themselves, they are reminded of them when in an Empath’s presence.
Why Does this Happen?
Due to the fact an Empath picks up on other people’s emotions, hidden behaviours and true personality traits, we often take them on, sometimes acting them out. Otherwise known as morphing. We basically become like a mirror. Reminding the other of what they are hiding from. This can cause an instant dislike from them to us.
If this has been your experience, that someone seems cold towards you for no reason, it could be that you are reflecting the truth they deny. Or there could be another reason…
You Have a Super-Speedy Vibration
An Empath is generally always working on themselves. Working to clear toxic emotions, dark thoughts or outdated behaviours. We want to make our world into a better brighter place, and we know by making changes to ourselves it will also benefit the outside world.
When we do the work and make any positive changes to our mind, body or spirit, we become cleaner and purer. This effectively speeds up our vibration. Which is a good thing; but it can make others uncomfortable.
Just like an Empath’s need not to be around people who spew negativity, there are some who cannot stand being around those who emit a sparkly clean energy.
Now, this is not to say an Empath is perfect or that they are some kind of ‘quiet saint’. We all have flaws and weaknesses we need to work through. The whole point of life is to evolve. But vibrating in a higher space can repel people, even those we love.
What Does This Look Like?
You may have noticed when in an emotionally low place some friends prefer you that way. It seems to make them comfortable that you are suffering (which is randomly odd). Yet when we make changes and get into a higher vibrating space, those same people don’t always like it. They may try to bring us back down, by attempting to extinguish our inner-light and happiness.
This isn’t always a cruelty thing. They sense us moving away from them and lash out in the hopes it will bring us back to their level.
People sense change, whether it is visually apparent or not, they feel when another has changed or stepped up their frequency. Not everyone is ready to raise their vibration. Some still have lessons to learn at their level and are not ready to move forwards. And because they are not ready, they may try to draw us back down. This is often done by snide remarks and unkind comments. But this is not the only thing that ignites a negative response from others…
An Empath’s Quiet Nature is often Deemed as Offensive
Yes, you did just read that line correctly. Another reason people form an instant dislike of some Empaths (especially the introverts) is because of a quiet nature. Here’s why:
To those of an insecure nature, an Empath’s sometimes quiet or distant ways may be taken as a snub or a form of disrespect. We may be considered as being remote or standoffish and this can be wrongly interpreted as superior or ‘judgy’ behaviour. In other words, some people assume we believe we are ‘above them’.
Normally, when an Empath acts in an aloof or distant way, it is because we are on overload, drained and in need of a ‘timeout’. When having taken on too much stimuli, we want to be invisible to others. A fatigue meltdown means an Empath can’t deal with someone offloading their troubles. We may switch off. Even polite conversation is too much. And this behaviour is often interpreted as a rejection.
Because most people don’t feel an inch of what an Empath does, it is difficult for them to understand our need to withdraw. Sadly, the more insecure someone is, the more they are offended. If we’re seen as blowing ‘hot and cold’, our behaviour may be considered as arrogance. If this causes insult, we may be rejected, or our character is attacked as a form of retaliation.
So, if someone develops an aversion towards you, for no good reason, if they attack you behind your back or paint you as the ‘bad guy’, remember it is not always because of something you have done, instead it is a flaw or insecurity in your attacker.
People will always be threatened by an Empath’s light. We need to know that that’s ok and keep focused on what inspires or uplifts us, instead of on those who are offended by our Empath ways.
Everyone has had an occasion when they were treated badly in life. No one escapes. Even those who are known abusers, might have started off life as the abused. And yes, some seem to have suffered far worse than others.
EMF and the Empath
This increase in mobile phone use has also led to the need for more cell towers around our towns and cities, which means greater levels of EMF in our environment.
The Solution
It is not always possible to keep a crystal on hand. In some cases, we need to use them after EMF exposure. They can be used with good results in the following ways:
The thing is when we are overloaded it causes unnecessary stress to the body and mind. We then get caught up in a vicious cycle of energy overload and our senses never get a rest.
Empaths Empowered 